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21:49
Did I made right decisions in my life? For quite some time now I am wondering about what had happened in my life since my breakup with Stefan.
I had an affair, which brought me many pleasures but also pain. Since the summer of 2017, I was a rebel. I partied like crazy, I drank sooo much, and did many mistakes. Last summer it all had to stop, because of my relationship with K. And I guess I am glad. Yet a part of me longs to that period of my life, when I was free and met so many men on Tinder and did such stupid and crazy things.
In my whole life as a pathetic potato, I would have never guessed, that I would go on dates with four guys (including K.). I would have never dreamed of the complements that I received from so many handsome guys. I would have never said, that a complete stranger would want to kiss me so badly, that he would actually follow me.
Maybe to some it means little or they would never feel good simply because a guy looked at them, but for me it makes a difference. My whole life I was always laughed at and nobody ever fancied me. I really enjoyed being admired and the way that men flirted with me. I miss that.
I enjoy being with K. but often his behaviour dissapoints me. Complements do not exist in his vocabulary. He is jealous of me, even though I abandoned all of my friends and have no one to talk to. I gained waight and at times this whole situation makes me cry. I wish I were appreciated and truly loved. Why is it always my heart that is broken?
I never wanted to watch romantic movies, because I did not want to develop some kind of high expectations in regards my future relationships. But even with such low standards, no one ever made me feel happy for a long period of time.
I do not know whether I am exaggerating because many things stress me out right now, or I am finally realizing that last year I possibly made another mistake in my miserable life. 

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