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July 15 2019

Something is wrong in our relationship. I do not know whether it is my imagination or there is actually something wrong.
I feel unwanted, like you do not care about me and do not care whether you are with me or somebody else. Everyone else is more interesting than me, you want to watch other people, that is why you follow so much people (women especially) on instagram. You enjoy watching pretty people while I lie beside you and do not know what to do. And all of that would be fine I guess, but the main thing that bothers me is the fact, that you are so keen to fancy other women, that you forget that I am here. 
I feel like you are constantly annoyed with me, because I am not the person that you wish I would be. I choose wrong music in the car, I want to cuddle too often, I want to do everything with you, I want to know your opinion on lots of things. 
Because of the fact that you say "Whatever" so often, I genuinely start to believe, that our whole relationship is whatever for you. Yep, to sum up, I believe that you do not care about me or us at all.
I foolishly hoped, that you would propose to me while we were away on our vacation. I do not know why. Why would you even do that?
I think that we will be that kind of couple that will be together for a long time, but there will be less and less chemistry and love between us, and eventually something will happen and one of us will finally decide to break up.
Does it sound familiar? I bet it does.
That reminds me of my dream that I had on vacation. I dreamed of your ex girlfriend. She shared a photo with boobs out and you were so happy, you basically were still in love with her in that dream and I made me wonder if it true in reality. I know that you break up with her, but so often I see you look at her profile, that I think you might still feel something to her. I would not be surprised.
There will be no small house, no black cat, there will not be us in the future. 
I honestly thought that we would work out, but it feels so difficult and tiring to be with someone who does not love me back and constantly admires others instead of me. It hurts because every time that we see each other, I tell you nice things, I am genuinely happy to see you, and always support you and to you it is all whatever. 
Potrzebuje tego, żeby ktoś nie mógł się beze mnie obejść. Potrzebuję kogoś, kto zje cały mój wolny czas, moje ego, moją uwagę. Kogoś kto będzie ode mnie uzależniony. Obopólnego uzależnienia.
— Chuck Palahniuk “Udław się”
Reposted fromtobecontinued tobecontinued viacytaty cytaty

June 21 2019

Funny how I thought that I stopped wanting to hurt myself for good. It never ends. I want to slash my body, let the blood flow. 
I'm exhausted. Why do I have to be the one who always gets the shittiest things in life? Why do I have to be the one who cares and tries, while others do nothing and still have the best life possible?
I'm exhausted because I just want everything to be good for once. I want to have a good life just like others and do not worry about everything. 

May 28 2019

It sucks to live with family that does not support your decisions or actions. No matter what I do, I am always wrong and they do not appreciate me. I want to pass my BA exam in September instead of June. According to them, I am a waste of life, because I want to postpone it. I had enough. Honestly, nobody can bring me down the way my family does. It is sad and unfair, because I always try to make everything good and I generally try.
Thank you, my dear family, for always making me feel like a piece of shit that does not deserve anything good. Thanks to you I consider ending it all, because I do not see any purpose in my life.

May 23 2019

Did I made right decisions in my life? For quite some time now I am wondering about what had happened in my life since my breakup with Stefan.
I had an affair, which brought me many pleasures but also pain. Since the summer of 2017, I was a rebel. I partied like crazy, I drank sooo much, and did many mistakes. Last summer it all had to stop, because of my relationship with K. And I guess I am glad. Yet a part of me longs to that period of my life, when I was free and met so many men on Tinder and did such stupid and crazy things.
In my whole life as a pathetic potato, I would have never guessed, that I would go on dates with four guys (including K.). I would have never dreamed of the complements that I received from so many handsome guys. I would have never said, that a complete stranger would want to kiss me so badly, that he would actually follow me.
Maybe to some it means little or they would never feel good simply because a guy looked at them, but for me it makes a difference. My whole life I was always laughed at and nobody ever fancied me. I really enjoyed being admired and the way that men flirted with me. I miss that.
I enjoy being with K. but often his behaviour dissapoints me. Complements do not exist in his vocabulary. He is jealous of me, even though I abandoned all of my friends and have no one to talk to. I gained waight and at times this whole situation makes me cry. I wish I were appreciated and truly loved. Why is it always my heart that is broken?
I never wanted to watch romantic movies, because I did not want to develop some kind of high expectations in regards my future relationships. But even with such low standards, no one ever made me feel happy for a long period of time.
I do not know whether I am exaggerating because many things stress me out right now, or I am finally realizing that last year I possibly made another mistake in my miserable life. 

May 22 2019

It is so hard to remain sane right now. So much things happen at once and it seems unberable. I long for peace and quiet times.

May 11 2019

I suppose I don't deserve love that consumes you entirely. I'm forced to be with someone who doesn't find me attractive and doesn't try to be good for me. I'm forever damned to be with somebody who has no other choice.*(The way Radek looked at Weronika while they danced, the way he touched her... He wanted her. I never felt anything like this before. It's so fucking sad. 

May 07 2019

3564 bfac

May 02 2019

I can't rely on anyone. It's sad because I feel like I always were a huge support for everyone. It's really nice to know, that people who I considered close, in fact don't care about me. 

May 01 2019

It got dark again. Life seems unberable and I cannot pick myself up from the bottom. Nothing makes any sense: family, friends, studies. I am fed up with the world. I think I may have a relapse of depression. I thought that it I am over it, but here we go again. Everyday i wake up already tired, with headache and overpowering feeling of hopelessness. So many things went wrong in my life recently that I am just tired. Studying does not make any sense anymore, I bought a shitty car that consumed all my money and still is shitty despite multiple repairs, my boyfriend lives far away, nobody appreciates me, I got soooo fat and ugly. Each misfortunate event feels like additional weight on my shoulders and I think I may collapse. I worry all the time and fear the future, because I know that it will not bring me anything good. Nobody even knows what I am going through, and I feel that I cannot talk to anyone, because nobody even cares. So that's that… I don't know what to do with myself and my life. I just want it all to end and I would like to never exist. Something is wrong with me. Not just because the abovementoned things. Death somedays consume my whole mind and all thoughts. I fear the death of others who are close to me, but my death doesn't bother me. I often think about far, far future inwhich could occur a situation where I would woke up next to my dead husband. It petrifies me, paralises me. Do people think of such things? Or is it just me? One moment I'm happy, the other I see the corpse of my love. I don't know what to do with it all.

February 27 2019

What is it about me and men who fancy other women instead of me?
K#1 - never would even consider being with me, he prefered my friend
T - didn't want to be with me, always talked about other prettry girls
K#2 - we spent ove 2 years together, he fancied my former friend from high-school and always adored other women from ask and porno movies
K#3 - it seems that he sees things that are pretty and iteresting in other girls, but not in me; I never receive any complements or hear any nice things about me

I really hoped that my current relationship would be better, that I would be loved. I don't feel valued or wanted. There is always someone who is so much more better/prettier than me.
It's heart-breaking that I pay attenton to giving as much love and affection as I can, yet have nothing in return. You give me flowers and probably think that it's solving every problem, but what's the use of having flowers, when you won't cuddle with me at night?
I know, that I'm ugly and not very interesting in any way, but if you chose to be with me, why do you act like a stranger around me?

February 24 2019

Czy to już norma, że to ja daję z siebie najwięcej w związku? Ja się troszczę, decyduję o wszystkim, staram się codziennie powiedzieć/zrobić coś co zapewni o mojej miłości do Ciebie. Nie prawisz mi komplementów, nie chcesz mnie przytulać w nocy, odsuwasz się, gdy chcę Cię pocałować. Nie czuję, jakbyś traktował mnie jako kobietę, nie czuję, żebym Ci się podobała.
Ja mam śmieszne pryszcze na czole, z zaczesanymi włosami wyglądam jak Al Pacino, a prawie każda laska w filmach/serialach to dobra dupa. Ja nigdy nie powiedziałam tak o żadnym facecie, tylko Tobie mówię jak bardzo mi się podobasz i jak przystojny dla mnie jesteś.
Jest mi tak bardzo przykro, że nikt nie może we mnie znaleźć czegoś, co można by pokochać.

February 20 2019

Dajcie mi kurwa święty spokój. 
Nienawidzę przebywać w tym domu, chciałabym stąd uciec.

February 13 2019

7328 71b7 500


Comet in Moominland ☄️

February 07 2019


October 29 2018

Płaczę ze szczęścia. Chyba pierwszy raz w życiu.
Dziękuję za szczęście. 

October 12 2018


Chciałbym tak
pić z Tobą lampkę wina
po ciężkim dniu

oglądać tandetne filmy
z Twoją głową
na moich kolanach

wyjeżdżać do rodziny
we dwójkę
a potem na wspólne wakacje
co roku

tak z Tobą żyć
ustabilizować się na tyle
żeby co dzień widzieć Twoje oczy
i patrzeć na nie i doceniać
że zgodziły się przyjąć moje 
na zawsze.

— Marta Masłyk
Reposted fromMsChocolate MsChocolate viaquinne quinne

September 24 2018

Wytrzymasz - powiedział. - Nawet wyobrażenia nie masz, ile można wytrzymać.
— Marek Hłasko, "Opowiadania"

September 21 2018

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Giuliano Bartolomeo - Le Villi 

Reposted fromfuckblack fuckblack vialekkaprzesada lekkaprzesada
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